When Did You Start Thinking You Weren't Good Enough?

I gotta rant on this crap for a minute here...because who seriously makes this stuff up? Using pictures of a beautiful baby for wrinkle creams? I mean, I get the cuteness and all but really?!

I grew up like many other typical teenage girls who didn't like the skin they were in. Probably starting around age 15 or 16, which is later than most girls I know, it seems that out of nowhere my world became an obsession with how much I weighed, what size my clothes were, whether my hair was just right, blah, blah, blah. I thought I was fat. I thought I needed a nose job because my nostrils weren't symmetrical. I thought my eyes were too squinty and that I just wasn't pretty enough.

Translation: wasn't good enough.

Looking back at old photos of myself as a teenager now makes me want to cry because I spent a hell of a long time hating on myself when I now know I was actually really beautiful. The beauty and purity of my heart shone out of my face like sunshine and if I only knew then what I know now, I wonder how many years I could've saved wasting time on things that truly don't matter....not to mention a lot of hurt.

If anything, all those years of self-hate really accomplished one thing and one thing only: they put me back a helluva long way now that I'm a mom in my 30's. I now deal with the most sorry excuse for a metabolism that anyone can imagine. I look at food and basically gain weight before even putting it in my mouth. My body is in a constant struggle with itself and I even lost my damn gallbladder at 17 years old!

I know that I will constantly have an uphill battle until I can get my body fully restored to health again and that's something I own and take responsibility for. BUT, my approach this last year or so has been completely life altering. Focusing from the inside-out, I've spent A LOT of time searching my soul and the dark recesses of my brain to figure out how I got to where I am and what I'm going to do to get to where I want to be without harming my body (or my mind).

But when I see pictures like the one above, I kinda just lose my proverbial shit and I know that's something I need to work on (so forgive me if it offends you).

In a matter of a few weeks, I'll have TWO daughters earthside. And I'll be damned if either one of them grows up thinking that there is ANYTHING wrong with themselves. I will never judge them on their appearance. I will never offer innocent "advice" on how they can improve their looks. And I will never, ever tell them that they could be better if they just: lost a little weight, threw on a little makeup, used this anti-whatever potion, dyed their hair a certain colour, wore this instead of that or any other piss poor excuse for "motherly encouragement".

I hope to raise fierce little girls who will grow up to be women who know their value and their worth and, pardon my language, will not give two sweet shits about wrinkles, stretch marks and uneven skin tone. I hope to raise girls who will stick up for themselves and play hard just like the boys and will know their strength and marvel in the abilities their bodies have...not worrying about how to fix them.

When did vanity become so cutthroat anyway? And it's coming at ya at all angles, too, these days! I get that a lot of people want and need to make money, but if your sole purpose of business is to tell people they're not good enough the way they are and that your product will save them, do NOT coming knocking at my door. I don't want your wraps or your creams or your vitamins. If you want to offer healthy solutions for learning how to love yourself and effect change in a natural, positive way, then I'm game.

I know I can't keep my kids in a bubble from the marketing and messages that are unfortunately being pummelled at them left, right and centre. But I can encourage them and love them and remind them over and over again of how perfect they truly are. And, more importantly, I can lead by example and show them that their mama believes that in herself, too.

That's where the real priority lies...

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